9-1-1 

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one,  What is the nature of your emergency?

Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.

Caller:  I thought you just said it was nine-one-one

Dispatcher:  Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing! .

Caller:  Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher:  Nine-one-one, What is your emergency?

Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.

Dispatcher:  Excuse me?

Caller:  I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.

Dispatcher:  Was anything else taken?

Caller:  No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it.

Dispatcher:  Nine-one-one, What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address?

Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, ... why?

Dispatcher:  Nine-one-one,
Caller: Hi, is this the police?

Dispatcher:  This is 911. Do you need police assistance?

Caller:  Well, I don't know who to call.  Can you tell me how to cook a turkey?   I've never cooked one before.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. Fire or emergency?

Caller:  Fire, I guess.

Dispatcher:  How can I help you sir?

Caller:  I was wondering.  Does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their trucks?

Dispatcher:  Yes sir, do you have an emergency?

Caller:  Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and...well...do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me?

Dispatcher:  Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency?

Caller:  My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.

Dispatcher:  Is this her first child?

Caller:  No, you idiot!  This is her husband!

Dispatcher:  Nine-one-one

Caller:  Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher:  Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller:  I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.

Dispatcher:  Sir, an ambulance is on the way.  Are you an asthmatic?

Caller:  No

Dispatcher:  What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller:  I was running from the police.

Richard D’Andrea Dover
In His Steps Ministries
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To the world, you may just be somebody...but to somebody, you may be the world.
Bill Wilson, Metro Ministries