A Woman's Random Thoughts
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back,
it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin
with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your
food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that
you had set it free.......You either married it or gave birth to it.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an
aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget
where they left them.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5
pounds.
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what
you're doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body
and your fat are really good
friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I
regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and
setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two
sizes!
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You
know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my
mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat.You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to
eat.
A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She had 14
kids, but she doesn't really care.
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that
communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd
you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a
bell my body said, "Listen witch... do it and die."
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then
they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too
much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea
of a perfect day.
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent
is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
Richard D’Andrea Dover
In His
Steps Ministries
Previous
Jokes
To the world, you may
just be somebody...but to somebody, you may be the world.
Bill Wilson, Metro Ministries